Sex and Spirituality: Finding Harmony in Dating

I just got off the phone with an ex and explained to him that I completed 30 dates in 30 days. His response: “Why did you do that?!?” 

I told him how I really wanted to put real effort into my dating explorations. That I knew there was someone out there for me, and I want no regrets. Overall, it helped me learn a lot about what I want in a relationship and how I respond to different people. But it was painfully toxic flipping through so many pictures...wasting so much time. I also now have no doubt that these dating apps are addictive in that you can get the immediate gratification and an emergency ego boost anytime you need. Someone is always online to match with you... and you can literally swipe all day, granted you would pay for it, but all day! Someone is always going to tell you that they like you.

I also shared with him that out of all of these dates, none of them had been a match for me sexually or spiritually. We had such a great bond in that aspect, and we talked through how meaningful that was for both of us agreeing that there are others like us, but maybe just not through a dating app...

After I hung up the phone, I jotted down some notes and reflected upon my conversation. I never thought spirituality would become a big important factor for my partnerships. But the more dates I went on with people who were not spiritual, the more it became obvious. An empathic spiritual person who had done the emotional work to understand themselves is so desirable and rare among the swipe culture. Not that I could not lead someone down into that path, but someone who is already there and gained their own perspective of who they are spiritually, is incredibley sexy! Another concern is that someone can always say that they are spiritual, but saying it and practicing it is different. We all feel pressured to be the best version of ourselves, but spouting random phrases of "spiritual wisdom" doesn't bring about real abundance, peace, self-love or truly deep conversation. With spirituality, you can't fake it until you make it. 

I have spent well over 200 hours on dating apps and can tell you that the probability of actually meeting up with someone from an app is low for most people and then putting a complicated filter like spirituality into the mix can make it even harder. My ex at the end suggested that my energy and personality has a natural magnetism and may be best used in places vs. online. Was he right? Should I change sails to find someone spiritual? Has online dating turned into a time-sucking endless addiction with empty and toxic interactions? Should I give up on something that has helped thousands of couples find each other?  Am I walking away from an opportunity?