Done With Dating
I am burned out. My last date went straight from a sound healing ceremony to a major make out session. I tried my best to set a healthy environment that did not send sexual enuendos, but I think this date may have had an agenda that was established outside of my own accord. I really want to get to know who these people are before we rush into any intimacy and I don’t get how it is so easy for people to become so vulnerable so quickly. I have had a date every night for the past several weeks and these are just a few of the patterns. The apps, our culture, lack of affection in our daily lives, hyper masculinity, over commercialism and detachment from our emotions has created this toxic mix of dating conditions that are unhealthy. Avoidant and passive aggressive, the men I have been out with jump to what they think will be a straight shot to connecting and love...via sex. The apps makes it easy for most (I realize this is not the case for everyone), but you give it a few 20-30 mins and you can have yourself a date for the night... it makes it easy to put no value into the process of accessing someone new. Resulting in a high amounts of cancellations, no shows, ghosting and I imagine dissatisfaction. I was discussing this with another Tinder contact and they agreed that it is a winning formula for dating burn out. Only weeks into the dating game and I am done. I removed any content on my Tinder profile and called it quits. Then this same contact asked an important question about a date that never showed up.
“So has that experience destroyed your excitement of dating and the chance of meeting someone new?”
Did it destroy my excitement? yes, it feels like I am strung out on a drug with no benefits. Swiping makes me feel so gross and empty. Every swipe now includes the question of date would have the potential to cancel, no show or ghost. It turns me off to everyone on the app. So Why do I keep on doing it? Just like with gambling, I am waiting for that big payout. What is the payout? A balanced sexy smart person who has the desire to keep on seeing me. Now I have to be careful, meeting someone new and looking for a big payout are very different from each other. One has expectations, the other has possibilities. So maybe I can resolved my own problem...is this my own attitude problem? What if I just approached it with the mindset that I am going to meet people and learn what I can from them, maybe just showing up and listening to someone is all we both need?